Our popular guest columnist dishes the dirt and shares Thanksgiving memories.
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| Grandma |
All the girls at Giselle's were passing around the magazine with pictures of Bruce Jenner dressed like a woman. This I needed to see? He's got the mazuma, so it was no shmatte he was wearing, but all the same, a nothing of a dress -- a red sleeveless mini with the bra straps showing.
And those shoes! Size 13 stilettos, and legs like zweigels. Not age appropriate for a 65-year-old man. He was also wearing Spanx, which is like a girdle, but without the rubbery smell. Kim Kardashian wears one to hide her gigantic tuchis, so go figure.
One big michegoss Julia Roberts is having with her in-laws is about Thanksgiving. Her father-in-law's mortgages she stopped paying last month. He's a schnorrer who's got more houses than Carter's got liver spots. Her husband's family never liked her ever since she broke up his first marriage, which caused his mother Patti to drop dead from heart failure. Julia's sister-in-law Jyl (yeah, like that she spells it) calls her "Satan." So, Satan's presence they don't like so much. But her presents? That's another story. Oy vey.
Listen, my family's Thanksgivings were no stroll in the park. My sister-in-law Esther, when she was still a kalleh, once did something so farchadat . . . but I can't tell you now. Wait till she's dead. Anyway, our Thanksgiving table was always divided into two sections: kvetching and non-kvetching, but by the end of the meal, it was one big kvetch fest. So you can just imagine what all the simchas were like at the Schoen household: shlemozzls!
Doris Day (below) turned 90, but she doesn't look a day over 83. The schmoozers? Who knows? The nuchschlepper with that piece of shlock on his head is probably named Barry. They're always named Barry. Feh!
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