Grandma's Celebrity Gossip

Our popular California columnist discusses the often tangled course of love and reveals her secret crush.

Grandma

Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are getting divorced again. Every three years they do this, but the “get,” they never seem to get. Such a bother it must be to split $140 million. We should all have such problems. 

Adele Luskin’s niece Shelley worked at the Palisades High School where the DeVito kids went. The two daughters? Naches! But the son? A mazik of epic proportions. Every week, they were calling his parents for a sizung. 

Shelley said that one afternoon, like a horror movie, terrified kids ran into her office screaming that a big SUV was rolling through the parking lot without a driver. A couple of boychiklech chased it down, only to find that Danny DeVito was behind the wheel. His head barely reached the dashboard. Probably he forgot his booster seat. Oy vey iz mir!

Jennifer Lopez is a singer and dancer on TV and has a cop show where her hair is always perfect. And she’s in movies nobody in their right mind would pay to see. Well, now she’s cavorting with a famous ballplayer -- not the one who hanged himself in jail (Aaron Hernandez), but the other one, who was with the Yankees (Alex Rodriguez). 

Those two I get mixed up. The A-Rod has a fancy shmancy apartment on Central Park West, with a parade of women going in and out, including  Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson and  Madonna, as well as floozies and nafkas.  

“Poor JLo!” say the tabloids, like she’s an innocent nayfish. Feh! Married three times, she’s had her way with busboys, chicken pluckers and the likes of Ben Affleck, Bradley Cooper, Puff Ditty, and that sweaty Cossack (?) from the Dancing Stars Show.

And one last thing: Sean Connery, don’t listen to them. You’ve still got it, my besodik gelibter. You can leave your shoes under my bed anytime, Mister Bond. Grrr!

Note

Grandma's most recent post is particularly rich in Yiddish expressions, including several that were new to the Idiosyncratist.  After consulting several dictionaries, the Id offers non-definitive exegeses. (Please share corrections as necessary.)  Here goes:

besodik  --  secret

boychiklech -- darling young boys

feh!  --  yuck! pooh!

get  --  a divorce document


mazik -- a rascal or imp

mygelibter  --  from the German, mein gelibter, sweetheart, my loved one, 
                   my cherished one

naches  --  proud pleasure, special joy--particularly from the achievements of a child 

nafka  --  a somewhat promiscuous woman, particularly one seeking physical or 
                 emotional gratification

nayfish  --  a doormat, someone who lets others step all over him or her but does 
                  not complain

oy vey is mir!  --  woe is me!

sizung  --   a conference or meeting