Grandma's Celebrity Gossip

Our popular California columnist dishes on the three Jennifers and more.

Grandma

Jennifer Lopez is cavorting with Alex Rodriguez, the baseball player who has more nafkes than Doris Day has freckles.  You know they're getting serious now that he wants the ex-wife to slash the alimony payments from $115,000 a month to bubkes and some change.  JLo herself has more mazuma than monkeys have fleas, but she's 50 now, and wants a rich gonif to foot he bill for all the nips and tucks she'll need.

Jennifer Garner, who finally split from her shikker of a husband, Ben Affleck, is now running around with John Miller, a gonster macher who owns the CalifBurger restaurant, which is what?  It's nothing but a fancy-schmancy McDonald's without the clown but with prices up the wazoo.  

Me?  I go for the hot pastrami French dip at Langer's Deli.  It's to die for.  The best fast-food place is now long gone. It's Feltman's of Coney Island, home of the original hotdog.  They even spoke the mama-loshen there.

The other Jennifer, Jennifer Aniston, who was married to Brad Pitt for two minutes, long enough to dump her for Angelina Jolie, the queen of meshuggenehs, has now split from her other husband, Justin Theroux.  About him I know gornit.  None of his movies have I ever seen, and now they say the poor mensch is now seeing a psychoanalyst, which everyone knows is a Jewish doctor who hates the sight of blood.

And then there's Alec Baldwin.  Him I never liked.  He's so full of himself he looks gassy.  Now he's proven to the world that he's a k'nocker and a bulvan when he beat up an old man for taking his parking spot. (Editor's note:  Parking in Manhattan is a blood sport.)  His talk show they canceled -- the one where he was interviewing the Kardashians, as if they needed more exposure. 

Me?  I did like that Baldwin movie about the funny dybbuk ("Beetlejuice") with the tall girl (Geena Davis) who drove off the cliff with the other one (Susan Sarandon) in "Thelma and Louise."

Okay, enough already.

Vocabulary

This report is particularly rich in Yiddishisms, including several that are new to The Id.  Definitions follow.

Bulvan: a loud mouth or know-it-all

Dybbuk:  a malicious possessing spirit, the dislocated soul of a dead person.

Gonster macher:  a prominent man, typically wealthy.  Sometimes said gantse macher.

Gornit:  nothing.

K'nocker:  a showoff.

Mama-loshen:  Yiddish, the mother tongue.

Mazuma:  money.

Nafkes:  women of casual morals.

Shikker:  a drunk.