Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Grandma's Celebrity Gossip

The latest report from our popular, California-based columnist

Twenty years ago or so, Adele, myself and the two Sylvias used to have lunch at that place on Melrose with the wooden benches. They thought it was fun, like sitting at a picnic table.

Me, I thought it was more like a prison camp. I brought my own cushions.

Anyway, the hostess was a nice girl named Francesca. A bit of a zhlub and a noshnik, she was always with the Jenny Craig jokes. Us she called her blue-haired ladies.

I nearly plotzed when I  found out that not only did she drop dead, but she was the daughter of Conrad Hilton and Zsa Zsa Gabor. Who knew?

Her father, one of the richest men in the world, left her a measly $100,000 in his will. Had I known he was such a schnorrer, I would have tipped better.

Zsa Zsa is 97 and hasn’t spoken a word in 20 years -- not since she klopped the Beverly Hills cop. In bed she’s laid up, the arestant of that husband of hers, Prince Frederic von Shmuck (von Anhalt). Prince-Schmince. In Austria, if you fill out a form and send them a check for $150, anybody can get a title. What, you never heard of Prince Matchabelli or Duke Ellington?

My Grandson Ronnie and his wife Shelby took me and their two kids, Leah and the other one, to see “Wicked” at the Pantages. It’s a musical based on “The Wizard of Oz,” but with lousier songs. Oy, so noisy it was, worse than those tchepping Muppets.

Outside were the usual no-goodniks roaming the boulevard dressed like Batman, Spider-Man, Michael Jackson, and other cartoony characters. Having his picture taken with them was Adam Sandler. Him I never liked with the smutty movies. I told Ronnie to ask him if he was any relation to George Sandler of the department stores, but instead, he told him I was a big fan of “Water Boy”-- a movie I never in my life saw.

Then Adam Sandler took a picture of me and him with his camera. He said he would post it on the Tweety Pie, but Ronnie said, so far, he hasn’t seen it.

Go figure.

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