Twenty years ago, we were at my sister-in-law Edie’s Passover Seder.
When they opened the door for Elijah, the dog escaped. Me, I got the gehoketh tsuris because I said: “Oy, the dog escaped.”
“What do you mean, ‘escaped’?” said Edie with a pletsl hanging from her mouth. “Are you saying Kiki feels like a prisoner in this house? That my home is not fit for a dog? Is that what you’re saying? That’s some nerve you have!”
This is how she treats an oyrech? Yes. Up, down, and sideways I apologized, but to this day the cold shoulder she still gives me. Well, excuse me for living!
But truth be told, Martha Stewart she’s not. About the water stains on the dining room drapes, the brown ring around the bathtub drain, or the messy upstairs closets, I could go on and on, but my tongue I held.
Judge Judy I’m not. Though this I know: It takes a lot more than a quick walk-through with a mini-vac and a shvitz or two of Lysol to keep a nice house -- kosher or not.
I’m telling you this, why? Because when I saw a picture of Bruce Jenner dressed to the nines in a nothing of a dress as Caitlyn, I had to say, “The legs? Not so bad, but those feet? They’re gigantic! Besides the Statue of Liberty, what woman has such huge feet?” And that’s when Edie came to mind. So sue me.
My son-in-law’s stepbrother, Bill Lewis, pushed me to kvell about the play he produced, but its name I forgot. (Legends!) Here he is with its stars, Hayley Mills and Juliet Mills. Juliet was in “The Nanny and the Professor” show on TV, and Hayley was the “Pollyanna” and the twins in “The Parent Trap” before that farchadat no-goodnik Lindsay Lohan. Feh!
Coming soon: Grandma tries her hand at poetry.